As a male survivor of childhood trauma, sexual abuse, I’ve felt the weight of the past shaping my present—my relationships, my career, my financial choices. I know firsthand how difficult it is to connect the dots between what we experienced as kids and the struggles we face as adults. Over the years, I’ve seen the same patterns in the lives of the men I’ve coached—patterns that all lead back to adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).
If you’ve ever felt like no matter how hard you work, you’re still struggling to get ahead, you’re not alone. Childhood trauma, including sexual, physical, and emotional abuse, doesn’t just affect your emotions; it can impact your wallet, your ability to make sound financial decisions, and even your earning potential.
I’m here to share what I’ve learned—not just from research but from lived experience—so you can understand how these experiences might be affecting your financial well-being and, more importantly, what you can do to regain control.
What Are ACEs?
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are traumatic events you may have endured between the ages of 1 and 17. These could include abuse, neglect, or growing up in an unstable household. For male survivors like us, the effects can be profound and long-lasting. The ACE Study, one of the largest research efforts on this topic, found a direct link between childhood trauma and health challenges decades later. Source: Pediatrics (2003) Get the data
In my life and in the lives of the men I coach, these challenges show up as:
Depression and anxiety
Addiction—alcohol, drugs, or even food
High-risk sexual behaviors
Chronic health issues like heart disease, diabetes, and obesity
Struggles with trust and connection in relationships
A constant feeling of being “stuck”
What’s even harder to face is how these challenges often extend into our financial lives. The shame and self-doubt from trauma can create roadblocks that make building financial stability feel impossible.
How Trauma Impacts Every Aspect of Life
Childhood trauma doesn’t just stay in the past—it follows us, shaping how we think, act, and respond to the world. Here’s how ACEs can create a ripple effect:
Mental Health: Conditions like depression, PTSD, and anxiety are more common, making everyday decisions—including financial ones—more difficult.
Brain Development: Trauma can disrupt how our brains process fear and decision-making, leaving us in survival mode even when we’re safe.
Physical Health: Chronic stress can lead to serious health issues like heart disease, stroke, and diabetes, impacting productivity and increasing medical expenses.
Attachment Trauma: Many of us struggle with trust and forming healthy connections, which can make collaborative decisions (like financial planning with a partner) even harder.
Stress Response: Trauma leaves us with an overactive stress response, which can lead to burnout and difficulty managing everyday tasks.
How ACEs Affect Earning Potential
Let’s talk about the money. The effects of our childhood trauma don’t just show up in our relationships or health—they directly impact how we handle finances and pursue career opportunities.
For years, I couldn’t understand why I struggled to save, why I avoided financial planning, or why I doubted my own worth when negotiating salaries. It wasn’t until I dove deeper into my own trauma that the patterns became clear.
Here are some ways trauma can hold us back financially:
Distorted Relationship with Money:
Growing up in a home where money was a source of fear or shame can lead to extremes—overspending to feel in control or hoarding money out of fear of scarcity.
Difficulty Managing Finances:
Trauma impacts emotional regulation, making it harder to budget, save, or make rational financial decisions. Impulse spending or procrastinating on bills may feel familiar to you.
Lower Career Potential:
Mental health struggles often make it harder to focus, perform consistently, or take risks in our careers. This can limit promotions and higher-income opportunities.
Disrupted Education:
Trauma can affect concentration and academic performance, cutting off access to high-paying jobs that require advanced degrees.
Emotional Spending or Extreme Frugality:
For some, spending becomes a way to self-soothe; for others, it’s about saving every penny out of fear. Neither approach builds long-term financial stability.
Avoidance of Financial Planning:
Let’s be real—just looking at your budget can feel overwhelming. For years, I avoided it entirely, and I’ve seen this same pattern in my clients. Trauma teaches us avoidance as a coping mechanism, but it comes at a cost.
What You Can Do to Break the Cycle
The good news? You can rewrite your story. It’s not easy, but I can tell you from experience that healing is possible. Here’s what worked for me and for the men I’ve coached:
Acknowledge the Connection:
Recognize that your financial struggles may stem from past trauma. There’s no shame in this—it’s the first step toward taking control.
Get Some Professional Help:
Whether it’s a trauma-informed therapist, coach, or a financial coach, getting guidance from someone who understands both sides of the equation is invaluable.
Build Financial Literacy:
Start small—learn about budgeting, saving, and investing. There are free tools and courses to help you take the first steps.
Create a Support System:
You don’t have to do this alone. Lean on trusted friends, family, or support groups who can encourage you as you heal and grow.
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